BROMANCE

Yesterday, Eminem took me and regained his position as the rapper that I love. I really have a soft spot for Eminem - no matter what he says in his songs. He's not just an ordinary rapper; he's a story teller.

Most rapper nowadays would just mumble and jumble words, insert curses and call it a rap song. He did lost his magic for some time though, but he definitely proved that he still has it.

So last night, I was able to watch his performance at the Grammys. It's a shame he only won two awards out of his ten or so nominations. (love Lady Antebellum too, though)

But I think, his performance made a lot of fans wish he won more awards (Best Collaboration, hello?!) So when Rihanna started singing the infectious chorus to "Love the way you lie", there were goosebumps all over me. Eminem emerged out of nowhere, and did what he does best.

Rihanna finished her part and Skylar Grey appeared singing a would-be infectious chorus to the song "I need a doctor".

It was a moving song, seriously. It was bordering to bromantic when you read the lines to the song, but that's Eminem and Dr. Dre. Just like other Eminem songs, it was full of sincerity and truth and a whole lot of heart.

Eminem (Feat. Dr. Dre) - I Need A Doctor from EminemCityOfficiel on Vimeo.

I NEED A DOCTOR (Eminem feat Dr. Dre and Skylar Grey)

[Chorus]
Im about to lose my mind
You’ve been gone for so long
I’m running out of time
I need a doctor
Call me a doctor
I need a doctor, doctor
To bring me back to life

[Eminem]
I told the World one day I would pay it back
Say it on tape, and lay it, record it
So that one day I could play it back
But I don’t even know if I would leave it when I’m saying that
Ya’ll start to creep in, everyday its so grey and black
Hope I just need a ray of that
Cause no one see’s my vision when I play it for em
They just say its wack
Thye don’t know what dope is
And I don’t know if I was awake or asleep
When I wrote this,
All I know is you came to me when I was at my lowest
You picked me up, breeding life in me
I owe my life to you
Before the life of me, I dont see why you dont see like I do
But it just dawned on me you lost a son
See this light in you, it’s dark. let me turn on the lights and brigthen me and lighten you
I dont think you realise what you mean to me
Not the slightest clue
Cause me and you were like a crew
I was like your sidekick
You gon either wanna fight me when I get off this f-cking mic
Or you gon hug me
But I’m not an option, theres nothing else I can do cause…

[Chorus]
Im about to lose my mind
You’ve been gone for so long
I’m running out of time
I need a doctor
Call me a doctor
I need a doctor, doctor
To bring me back to life

[Eminem]
It hurts when I see you struggle
You come to me with ideas
You say there pieces so I’m puzzled
Cause the shit I hear is crazy
But your either getting lazy or you don’t believe in you no more
Seems like your own opinions, not one you can form
Cant make a decision keep questioning yourself
Second guessing and its almost like your begging for my help
Like I’m your leader
Your susposed to be my f-cking mentor
I can endure no more,
I demand you remember who you are
It was YOU, who believed in me
When everyone was telling you dont sign me
Everyone at the f-cking label, lets tell the truth
You risked your career for me
I know it as well as you
Nobody wanted to f-ck with the white boy
Thats why I’m crying in this booth
You saved my life, now maybe its my time to save yours
But I can never repay you what you did for me is way more
But I aint giving up faith and you aint giving up on me
Get up Dre, I’m dying I need you, for f-cks sake

[Chorus]
Im about to lose my mind
You’ve been gone for so long
I’m running out of time
I need a doctor
Call me a doctor
I need a doctor, doctor
To bring me back to life
Bring me back to life
Bring me back to life

(I need a doctor, doctor
To bring me back to life)

[Dr Dre]
It literally feels like a lifetime ago
But I still remember the shit like it was yesterday though
You walked in, yellow jump suit
Whole room, cracked jokes
Once you got inside the booth, told you, like smoke
Went through friends, some of them I put on
But they just left, they said was riding to a death
But where the f-ck are they now
Now that I need them I dont see none of them
All I see is Slim
F-ck all you fair-weather friends
All I need is him
F-cking backstabbers
When the chips were down you just laughed at us
Now you bout to feel the wrath of aftermath, faggots
You gon see us in our lab jackets and ask us where the f-ck we been?
You can kiss my indecisive ass crack maggots and the crackers ass
Little crack a jack beat making wack math,
Backwards producers, Im back bastards
One more CD and then I’m packing up my bags and as I’m leaving again
I’ll guarantee they scream Dre don’t leave us like that man cause…

[Chorus]
Im about to lose my mind
You’ve been gone for so long
I’m running out of time
I need a doctor
Call me a doctor
I need a doctor, doctor
To bring me back to life
Bring me back to life
Bring me back to life

LOVED IT!

Tweet me.

• Feeling Grinch-ish. 11:34
• #nowplaying Gonna get over you, Sara Bareilles --> wow, this song makes me feel groovy. 11:35
• I miss Vietnam and the silence that surrounds me on usual days. 12:02
• That was..stupid. :/ 12:46
• Listening at Mellow 94.7. They're playing an acoustic version of Akon's "I wanna make love" song. I don't know who's singing though, but he sounds so good actually. John Legend meets Ceelo Green sya. 2:11
• My right jaw feels numb. 2:13
• Going acoustic this time of the day kinda troubles me. Nakakaantok.
• I'm scared for myself. 2:51
• I don't like this new thingy. 3:01
• I'm seriously not feeling well at all. 3:38
• Mia and chicken later. 4:12
• Juice and biscuit. 5:10
• Grossed out. Eww. 5:23

Green as the Grinch

It was a sickening sound.

Toffee (our dog) barking at the top of his lungs and my alarm clock creating a horrendous mash up started my day. I just knew right then that this isn't my day. 

Indeed. Those who personally know me is a witness to my well-crafted mood swings.

There are really days (and I mean a whole lot of days) where I don't like being with people - crowds. I hate all the fuss. I don't like looking at people or smile or even socialize with them. I'm not very proud of it but I can't help it sometimes.

I want some time alone and I mean it. I've been trying to cope up with this abnormality, since I started working because it might depict a negative vibe among them, but I just couldn't help but feel this way.

Do I need some help? I don't know, I think so.

Where do I start? I don't know.

Just leave me alone now. (except you Mia!)

Maybe a breathe of fresh air might help. I've been stressing these past few days and I guess I've been too hard on myself. Right, I need to relax.

But seriously, how do I start to relax?

That's it, I need help.

I was never lola's girl

Bonifacia Lipa Toliao or Lola Mamay, as we would call her, is my grandmother.
I have too many cousins in that side of my family (mother's side actually) and we rarely/barely see each other that much. Some are already designated/living abroad and the others are in seperate places here. That is why every opportunity that we have to get together is such a huge ordeal in our family. It's like having a week-long festivity, where Auntie Baet's fragile abode is what we consider our home. In these times, one voice carries a blinding silence.

I cannot even remember the last time I heard her voice. As in talking like everyone else in a loud family. What I remember though is the last time I saw her stand and walk on her own, only with dragging steps. I was in highschool then. She was at the balcony, shouting to the neighbors, though in a hushed tone. It was something about the plants. She thought they were stealing it. I don't know if anybody remembers that, but I did. It was childish and quite funny actually. On the next visits that followed that, she has slowly lost her motor skills.

Until she couldn't really stand on her own.
Until she could barely remember the people around her.
Until she could barely care about the things around her.
Until there was total silence around her.

On January 23, she gave up her last breath. In the arms of her loving daughters and son.
She went off to finally be with our Lolo Pedring, Uncle Fred, Kuya Joel and Auntie Nora again.

Off to a happier place where she could chat endlessly with Auntie Nora.
Off to a happier place where she could remember her son, Uncle Fred.
Off to a happier place where she could take care of her grandson, Kuya Joel.
Off to a happier place where she could walk hand in hand with Lolo Pedring.

I guess her condition can be likened to Alzheimer's disease. Her loss of current memory is a huge proof of it.
I feel bad for my little brother and sister, as well as to my nieces and nephews for they never got a chance to know Lola Mamay, beyond her being a Lola Puti to them.

That Sunday evening (Jan. 23), Andrei asked me if Lola has always been like that.
No. I have known her from my childhood as the "strict Lola". We seldom see her as she does not regularly visits Manila. But everytime she does, I remember myself heaving a huge sigh.

Lola Mamay's visit means days of "martial law". As a kid, I was pretty mean, I admit. I do not obey orders easily, and that's why she loves giving me some.

"Magwalis ka.", as she would always tell me. I will then grab the broom and lazily brush the dirt away. Being the "metikulosa" that she is, she would have me repeat everything else until she sees the floor spotless.

She also makes it a clear order to shower before sleeping, which I totally get lazy to do before. I would then go to bed and pretend to sleep. While she starts her "sermon" that usually lulls me to sleep.

I was never a lola's girl.

But as I told Andrei my memories of Lola, I realized something.
Her discipline in terms of cleanliness that she instilled in my memory is how I see myself to my little siblings. I am the house commander.

"Maglinis muna bago manood ng TV." is just like her "Magwalis ka." 10 times.
And whenever I see Andrei sweating and dirty after playing outside, I always tell him to wash up or shower.

I was never a lola's girl; I have become my lola.

Maybe I wasn't mad at her for giving too much orders, maybe I was just getting tips from her. And seriously, I don't mind becoming the "strict Lola" too.

The truth is, I love her. I respect her. I will miss her.

Good riddance Lola Mamay.

All etched in my memory..

But I wasn't able to put it down here.
A lot of things has happened.

I'll update soon.

Not now, not now.